Love Languages, Gifts
Last week we talked about physical touch as a love language, how to speak it, how to know if it fills your tank, and how to know if it fills other tanks.
Today we are going to talk about the love language of Gifts.
Remember there are 5 love languages and they are:
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
Gifts is actually a language that we all speak pretty fluently. Ok at least most of them speak it.
Think about it.
Do you like giving gifts? Do you like seeing the joy on their face as they open the gift or as they use it?
If the answer is yes then you are good at giving gifts.
A few things to remember about filling someone’s tank who loves gifts.
They do not always have to cost money. When someone truly needs gifts, the gift doesn’t have to cost money.
It could be as simple as a drawing, a note, something you made, something you had made, something you found at the beach (like a shell).
I think you get the drift, gifts don’t always have to cost you $$$ to fill their tank.
It’s the thought that matters, not the cost of the gift. If they care about the cost, then their tank is not really filled with gifts, they just like stuff.
Ok now that that’s out of the road let’s talk about how to tell if someone close to you speaks the language of gifts.
They usually “over gift” when given the chance. It might be Christmas, or a birthday, or a first haircut, or the first bra you bought (mine was at 13. Just kidding. Lol)
If someone truly needs gifts to fill their love tank, then they usually give lots of gifts. And they know how to read others, not just spend $$$.
A great example of a character who probably needed gifts was Chandler from friends.
The reason I say that is that he always gave GREAT gifts, ok well most of the time.
Remember the episode where he bought Joey’s girlfriend a first edition of the Velveteen Rabbit book? I joey got her something like a pair of pens. (in the show Joey’s language was definitely not gifts. Lol) Chandler cared enough to listen and get her what she really wanted.
So that’s a good way to tell if someone is really close to you.
How can you tell if they maybe aren’t so close like a teacher, or coworker?
Well you might see them handing out homemade gifts at the office, or possibly they always go overboard to hand out SWAG to other employees. They share what they have to try to bring joy to others or to mend relationships.
I worked with several people who were like this.
One comes to mind especially. I worked remotely and traveled quite a bit, but when I would go to Houston to the corporate office we would meet up.
To say the least our relationship wasn’t the best. We won’t get into the details here.
The thing is that we never really spoke each other’s languages. I mean we both spoke English, but we didn’t even try to speak each other’s languages to fill our tanks.
We were too busy trying to speak our own language that we didn’t even notice, or care that we weren’t speaking their language.
Looking back, I KNOW that he was a gift guy.
Every time I would show up down there he would give me something. One time it was a company jacket that never fit him. Once it was something he made. Once it was something from his desk that he noticed me admiring.
You should know that I am NOT a gift guy. Gifts do nothing to fill my tank. Just ask Jenna she can vouch for that.
That’s part of the reason why I couldn’t see that he was trying to get along. He was sharing these things with me because he was a gift guy.
It finally clicked about 4 years into the job. I know I’m slow. So when I went down for Christmas I got him a gift card for a place that I knew he liked. And it immediately filled his tank full.
After that I would find something to give him every time we met. We seemed to get along a lot better. (at least it made my life extremely easier)
It took me opening my eyes to see what his language was, then speaking it.
Today I want to encourage everyone who reads this to look deep and figure out if gifts are your primary language.
Don’t just say, “do gifts bring me joy” of course a GREAT gift brings you joy.
Instead look deep and say, “do I love getting gifts so much that it could change the way I feel toward others if they gave me something small?”
Next name 3-5 people close to you that gifts fill their love tank, at least a little. (quick hint if you are struggling to do this. Look at kids. Almost all kids need gifts to feel loved.)
Next name 3-5 people who are not as close to you that need gifts to fill their tank.
Lord, God Father almighty today we come to you with full hearts, because you give us so much more than we deserve. You give us more knowledge, more wisdom, more love, more joy, and more means than ever needed. We thank you for everything, especially that you allow us to fill others’ love tanks by simple actions. We are grateful that you gave us the tools and wisdom on how to use those tools to help others. God, thank you. Lord today we pray that you help us to look around at others and see how we can fill their Love tanks. You know what they need, if you could give us a few hints at how to fill them it would be amazing. If you could show us what they need and allow us to pick up on their subtleties that would be amazing. God we know that you have a plan, sometimes it might not be the same as ours… but you nonetheless have a plan, and it is amazing. Help us to follow your plan, introduce us to the people you need us to talk to. Give us the strength to speak their language, even if it is not a language that we are used to speaking. God thank you again for everything.
In your precious son’s name we ask all this.
A Little More
Jenna and I were walking on the beach the other day, talking about love languages and how to speak them. We started off by talking about how we weren’t necessarily speaking each other’s languages earlier that day.
Sometimes that happens. We get off and it just takes a good deep conversation to get back on track.
You see her primary love language is quality time. So if I really want to fill her tank I need to get our family on track to spend some good quality time together playing a game or eating dinner, or just being together without electronics.
Anyways. As we walked along the beach talking it caused both of us to reset.
We listened to the waves crashing on the shore, making sure we didn’t get wet.
We talked to each other about, well, pretty much everything. It started with our relationship and how we could be better at speaking each other’s language, then moved to our kids, then to our business (I seem to direct the conversation there a lot. Lol)
One of the things that we talked about was how we don’t just speak one language we speak and need multiple languages to truly fill our tanks.
She brought up how there are times that I walk by her without touching her and it kills her (physical touch). Or how when she feels like she is doing it all she really needs some help (acts of service).
And how much it means to her to spend quality time with not just the whole family but also just us, and just an intimate embrace (Quality time).
And how when I say the wrong thing sometimes, ok almost every day, it kills her or changes her mood. (Words of affirmation)
We also talked about how my primary language was physical touch and how I hate always innating it. I want to be touched, not just touch her. (Physical touch)
How I need to hear that I’m doing a good job and providing for our family in an amazing way. How she appreciates what I do and how hard I work and how great it is that we keep God alive in our home. And also, how it kills me when I cook dinner or we go out to a family favorite and one of the kids says something without thinking and it aggravates me. (Words of affirmation)
While I enjoy quality time I don’t need it as much as she does. But here’s the thing I LOVE giving it to her. So much in fact that if you saw me you might think that it was one of my main languages.
Will you pray with us?
Mankind throughout the world throughout our current situation
All Law enforcement and emergency response personnel
For all military personal serving our country and their families
Those in Leadership positions throughout the world