“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
— Luke 14:26
The Verse That Makes Everyone Choke on Their Coffee
Let’s be honest—this verse is one of those passages that makes you reread it to make sure your Bible didn’t glitch overnight.
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother…”
Wait… what?
This is Jesus we’re talking about. The same Jesus who said, “Love your enemies.” Now He’s telling us to hate our family?
Not exactly.
Jesus is using a Hebrew way of speaking that grabs your attention like a smoke alarm. He’s not commanding hatred; He’s demanding priority. He’s saying, “Compared to your love for Me, every other relationship comes second.”
Think about it this way. If your spouse, your parents, your kids, your boss, or even your dog gets a vote that’s louder than God’s, you’ve got a leadership problem.
And before you send me an angry email… yes, you should love your family. Hug your kids. Honor your parents. Keep feeding the dog.
Just don’t let any of them sit on the throne that belongs to Jesus.
One of the things I love about Jesus is that He never oversold discipleship. He didn’t say, “Follow Me and everyone will understand.” He didn’t promise your family would clap every time you obeyed God. He didn’t hand out participation trophies for faithfulness.
Instead, He said, “Count the cost.”
That’s refreshing.
Jesus never baited anyone into following Him. He told the truth before they signed up.
When Following Jesus Gets Awkward
This isn’t just about ancient Israel. This is about Tuesday afternoon.
God starts changing your heart.
You stop compromising.
You make decisions based on Scripture instead of public opinion.
Suddenly someone says, “You’ve changed.”
I certainly hope so.
Imagine going to the gym every day for a year, and someone says, “Wow… you’ve changed.”
You wouldn’t apologize.
Following Jesus is supposed to change you.
The hard part is that not everyone enjoys the new version.
Some people preferred you when you agreed with everything.
Some liked you better when you weren’t serious about your faith.
Some simply don’t understand why you’d choose obedience over convenience.
That hurts because these aren’t strangers on the internet. These are people whose opinions matter.
We all enjoy approval. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But approval makes a terrible compass.
If your greatest goal is keeping everyone happy, eventually someone else will start driving your life.
And I’ve discovered something over the years…
People are wonderful passengers.
They make terrible drivers.
Jesus isn’t asking you to stop loving people.
He’s asking you to stop needing their approval more than His.
That’s a huge difference.
Love Them Without Letting Them Lead You
Here’s where people sometimes misuse this passage.
Following Jesus isn’t permission to become rude.
It isn’t a license to act spiritually superior.
We’ve all met Christians who seem convinced that being obnoxious is one of the gifts of the Spirit.
It isn’t.
God calls us to love deeply, forgive quickly, listen well, and serve humbly.
Putting Jesus first should make you more patient, not less.
Kinder, not harsher.
More compassionate, not more arrogant.
You can disagree without becoming disagreeable.
You can stand firm without becoming stiff.
You can obey God while still loving the people who don’t understand your decisions.
Jesus Himself did exactly that.
Even His own family questioned Him at times. They didn’t always understand His mission, but He never stopped loving them.
Your goal isn’t to win every argument.
Your goal is to faithfully follow Christ while treating people with grace.
Sometimes obedience creates distance.
Don’t let it create bitterness.
The Only Approval That Lasts
At the end of the day, every one of us answers one question:
Who gets the final vote in my life?
Your family?
Your friends?
Social media?
Your coworkers?
Or Jesus?
If following Christ has created tension in your relationships, don’t assume you’ve done something wrong.
Sometimes you’re simply experiencing exactly what Jesus promised.
Keep loving.
Keep praying.
Keep serving.
Keep showing grace.
But don’t trade God’s direction for someone’s applause.
Applause is loud…
…until it stops.
God’s “Well done” echoes into eternity.
That’s the voice worth living for.
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for a Savior who told me the truth up front — who never hid the cost of following Him, and loved me enough to be honest about what it might require.
Where obedience to You has created distance or misunderstanding with the people I love, give me grace. Help me hold You first without growing cold toward them. Teach me to love my family and friends deeply while refusing to let their approval take the place that belongs only to You.
Guard my heart from softening my obedience just to keep the peace. And guard it just as much from pride or harshness toward those who don’t yet understand. Let putting You first make me love others better, not less.
When the cost feels heavy and the road feels lonely, remind me that You walked it too, that You are worth it, and that You never waste what I surrender to follow You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
God bless, and let’s keep Him first in everything we do.
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Dan Greer